Today's Joke

[Ontonanarivu]

A rancher goes to the bank to borrow money to buy a bull so he can increase his stock. The transaction is made and the banker who lent the money comes by a week later to see how his investment is doing. The farmer complains that the bull just eats grass and won't even look at the cows. The banker suggests that a veterinarian have a look at the bull.

The next week the banker returns to see if the vet helped. The farmer looks very pleased: "The bull has taken care of all my cows, broke through the fence, and has even serviced all my neighbor's cows!"

"Wow," says the banker, "what did the vet do to that bull?"

"Just gave him some pills," replied the rancher.

"What kind of pills?" asked the banker.

"I don't know, but they sort of taste like peppermint."

[Syrius]

British people, don't get mad at me.

Mother Theresa goes to heaven, and God greets her. After checking his list, she is admitted into heaven and God places a gold star on her forehead for all her years of service and kindness, and tells her to go look for her friends.

In a beautiful garden with children, she recognizes lady Diana.

"Princess!"

"Mother Theresa! Good to see you made it!"

After a lot of talk and exchanges they finally part for a while, while mother Theresa kept on staring at Lady Diana's forehead intentedly. So she goes to talk with God.

"Lord. I have a question for you."

"Yes?"

"Well, I dedicated my life to you, and serving my brothers and sisters down there on Earth, and I don't think that it's fair you put lady Di a bigger star than mine on her forehead."

"SSSHHH!" God replies in a hushed tone. "That's not a star. It's the emblem from the Mercedes Benz she crashed with. We haven't been able to pry it off her face!"

[danielbb90]

British people, don't get mad at me.

Mother Theresa goes to heaven, and God greets her. After checking his list, she is admitted into heaven and God places a gold star on her forehead for all her years of service and kindness, and tells her to go look for her friends.

In a beautiful garden with children, she recognizes lady Diana.

"Princess!"

"Mother Theresa! Good to see you made it!"

After a lot of talk and exchanges they finally part for a while, while mother Theresa kept on staring at Lady Diana's forehead intentedly. So she goes to talk with God.

"Lord. I have a question for you."

"Yes?"

"Well, I dedicated my life to you, and serving my brothers and sisters down there on Earth, and I don't think that it's fair you put lady Di a bigger star than mine on her forehead."

"SSSHHH!" God replies in a hushed tone. "That's not a star. It's the emblem from the Mercedes Benz she crashed with. We haven't been able to pry it off her face!"

ROFL thats a good joke... But kinda evil!

[mercury_in_flames]

British people, don't get mad at me.

lol dude, im not even british but thats pretty wrong Oh well, ive heard 'baby' jokes, now those are just sick.

[atrain]

this is a taste free zone. i'm fine with that.

[danielbb90]

lol dude, im not even british but thats pretty wrong Oh well, ive heard 'baby' jokes, now those are just sick.

I'll just remind you you put you're reply in the quote....

Lol & I agree with that... - and I thourght you were british

(& you know how long it took me to put that in a quote... )

Edited April 26, 2006 by danielbb90

[Stuge]

Coca-Cola in arabia

A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East

assignment. A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the

Arabs?"

The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East , I

was very confident that I will make a good sales pitch as Cola is

virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn't know to speak Arabic. So ,I

planned to convey the message through 3 posters...

First poster, a man crawling through the hot desert sand... totally

exhausted and panting.

Second, the man is drinking our Cola and

Third, our man is now totally refreshed.

Then these posters! were pasted all over the place"

"That should have worked," said the friend.

The salesman replied, "Well, not only did I not speak Arabic, I

also didn't realize that Arabs read from right to left..."

Second Joke of the DAY Joke

A MBA and an Engineer go on a camping trip, set

up their tent, and fall asleep. Some hours later,

the Engineer wakes his MBA friend.

"Look up at the sky and tell me what you see

The MBA replies, "I see millions of stars."

The Engineer asks "What does that tell you?"

The MBA ponders for a minute:

"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of

planets.

Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in

Leo.

Time wise, it appears to be approximately a

quarter past three.

Theologically, it's evident the Lord is

all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, it seems we will have a

beautiful day tomorrow.

What does it tell you?" !

The Engineer friend is silent for a moment, and

then speaks.

"Practically...Someone has stolen our tent"

Edited May 1, 2006 by stuge

[atrain]

thank you?

[Stuge]

thank you?

Hey ,I couldn`t understand the Question mark with Thank You .

[danielbb90]

You really have lost me now...

Whats going on?

[Bananatree]

I don't get the first joke.

[jaylen]

I think the punchline is that the rancher knew the pills had a mint flavor because he took the bull medicine after finding how virile it made the bull (probably in the hopes it would have the same effect him).

[mercury_in_flames]

Actually, i didnt put my reply in the quote thats the weird part

[Stuge]

Three Jokes

I got this Joke in the mail today .

Do you have a girlfriend?

Ah, well.. can't blame you for that.

Anyway, if you are hopelessly lonely and busy studying, this is to brighten up your pathetic excuse of life:

Prove that GIRLFRIEND = EVIL mathematically!

Solution:

GIRLFRIEND = TIME (T) X MONEY (M)

Now, TIME = MONEY

>> GF = M^2

Also, MONEY is the root of all EVIL.

i.e. M = EVIL^1/2

>> GF = EVIL -(Hence Proved)

See this Video & laugh

Leopard_chasing_deer.mpg

Also looked at this

This is an ad by Microsoft for their Office 2003 Student and Teacher Edition. It ran only in New Zealand for a very short time.

Two jokes taken from NsitLounge ..hehe

[Stuge]

Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.

One day while they were walking past the hospital

swimming pool Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end.

He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the

bottom and pulled Jim out.

When the hospital director became aware of Edna's

heroic act, she immediately ordered that Edna be

discharged from the hospital because she now is

considered to be mentally stable. The director went to

Edna and said, "I have some good news and some bad

news. The good news is that you're being discharged

because you responded so rationally to a crisis by

jumping in the pool to save the life of another

patient. Your action displays soundness of the mind."

"The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hung

himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right

after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself. I put him there

to dry. When can I go home?"